I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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