I think scott just propositioned me for sex
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
