Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
