I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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