True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
