is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
