hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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