So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
