Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
