I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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