I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
