Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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