I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
