you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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