UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
