Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
