man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
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Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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