I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
