i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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