Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
ok first of all what the fuck
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
