I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
