Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
