i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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