Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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