I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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