before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
