she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
