I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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