went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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