They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
