I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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