I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize