How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
