you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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