Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
