The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.