I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?