You're my little dorito
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
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It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
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No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!