I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.