Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.