You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
