Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy