I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
