Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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