Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
