There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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