So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Randomize
