Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
What drink are we having for lunch?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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