This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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