It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
These tits shall not be calmed
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
