Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
