i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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