Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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