I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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