cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
