So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
