if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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