The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
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