Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
