you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
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