That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
