who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
