I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Randomize
