I accidentally had phone sex last night
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
