so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
