it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
