My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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