i barfeds in our rink
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
