is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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