were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
