eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
