She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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