Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
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