I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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