We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
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My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
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When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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