and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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